i go have a job

family

fat chicks with camel toe. ew. fat bitches with fat asses flirting with girls twice as cute as them. eww. cafeteria never was a place i wanted to be.

yesterday i got lonesome crowded west on vinyl and paid way less than i should have- im soo cute and awesome. yess. i keep missing calls from my doctor, like himself trying to make appointments with me, so strange because its always shelia who makes the appointments. fuck. i dont like it when things are not normal like that…and he knows it, he needs to make sure that his next voicemail includes something about why the fuck he is doing things so fucking backwards. jesus.

when old men hold out their hand for change just to paw at my hand and then proceed to throw it in the tip jar and wink. ew.

so this weekend, im supposed to ride in this long ass bike ride to vicksburg-which is just impossible that ill be that interested for that long. i feel terrible that i signed on for this, and i’ll make sure to send in the money i was supposed to raise, but if they are serious about me riding there…got another thing coming. i think ill just be late to the start,since i dont have a bike to begin with and they might think that odd, then show up in vicksburg, rent a hotel room…fuck, this is never going to work, its literally going to take me fucking 6 or 7 hours to get there…getting really pissed. should i email joe and just tell him something has come up and that ill still make the donation or should i just be a no show-no explanation. whyyy did i sign up for this?! i MUST stop doing these sort of things. need to stay in bed. oh my god! SHIT. SHIT SHIT!!! YES! i can just say that my fucking alarm didnt go off. its friday, and they all have iphones so they’ll understand the misunderstanding that happened with my clock. hopfully. ill wake up around, fuck, i need to figure out when im supposed to be there.

that got really annoying to think about. so im gonna going to stop.

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new thoughts ( : clouds, puppies, weed, hearts, soft things, sparkles, weed, crack, dope, ice, valium, clouds. : )

sassy n classy

sierracore:

porkandbeans:

Are you a 90s kid? Well then, can you name all these shows? :)

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

For those of you who can not or have not experienced a real southern town with traditional speaking folk, the title of my post may not make a bit of sense. i’ll give a brief definition- the word is god, but is pronouned (gee:with enfesense on the high pitched E’s yawwwwd: really let your jaw swang when saying AWWWduh at the end.)

my life has changed so much in the past weeks, i think it showed brad i love him a lot and i’m going to be there for him in all ways possible. it also made me handle and successfully deal with the reality of what i was living…the fear that i had always known was there and learned to live with was validated two friday nights ago. we were very lucky, even now is sorta too soon to say that we are off scott free. i just know that the love im shareing and the adventures im experiencing, inside and outside my body/mind/spirit, is worth it to stay where im not guaranteed to be safe. i love and i am loved. my life will always be groovy.

i remember when i would see a pretty skinny girl and just think that her life sucked and she had no real capacity to feel the same feelings of normal people and probably just got used as some asswholes cum dumpster. but all of that changed when i became the skinny girl…i must say, walking buy all the fatty mcFats is grrrreeat. i love feeling my bones hit the corners of walls or brush against the counter at work and you cant feel my skin move its so tight. ive never loved having a body to make me feel pretty. it always had to be “personality” “pretty eyes” but now i really want to be touched all over. i want to be picked up and thrown on the bed and fucked like a doll who makes tiny noises as i loose my mind riding waves of ecstasy to shore. i love sex. i love being sexy. and it helps because my eyes are as pretty after the drugs set in.

polar opposites don’t push away. It’s the same on the weekends as the rest of the days
and I know, I should go but I will probably stay, and that’s all you can do about some things..

i’m trying, im trying to, drink away the part of the day that I cannot sleep away

two one eyed dogs, they’re looking at stereos hi-fi gods try so hard to make their cars low to the ground. these vibrations oil its teeth, primer gray is the color when you’re done dying.

sometimes i feel like i’m in two different places at the same time…which if you think about it in a certain way that makes me skinnier : ) in the great words of lily allen: “i’m not a saint but im not a sinner. now everything’s cool as long as i’m getting thinner”.  i just want to say fuck you to all the fat that hangs out around my body…yeah, getting really tired of you being there all the time, just stay the fuck away!

but today has been a strange day in more than a few ways. first, i didnt make it to my favorite class this morning at 8….but I did wake up and find my way to the car and fall asleep in the drivers seat! SHIT!! its fucking scary waking up in a car! next, while i’m at work i completely scrub every inch of the store top to bottom for no reason-completely out of character, if you get my drift. and then tonight at yoga-i wasn’t as focused as i usually am…i think it was because it was “yogalates”. i dont know why i even continue to go, because i know i dont like this class. its just too beginner and too fast-ab-burning-dumb shit. i want to be held up by a tiny silver thread strung to the moon and i just float in all the poses like a doll. i find myself and dive deeper into this pool of nothingness that gives me strength all day. im addicting. i guess thats why i go to the classes i dont even like.

Im burning Im burning Im burning Im burning for you.

J&B

robot-heart:

pinkpolkadots:

(via mwah17xoxo)

I would totally do this to my room if my hubby wouldn’t throw a fit over the purple/pink tones.

shoelessjane:

Oh. Em. Gee.  Remember them?